So, yesterday I had a doctor's appointment. Being so close to the due date, we had no idea what to expect, what was going to happen, or even what was going to be said or decided. We were anxious, ready, and excited. I was nervous. This high blood pressure is scary and I never know if it will be high or not. And just like the past few weeks it was once again high.
So, we go in to talk with the doctor and I was progressing well but that has seemed to stop for some reason. So naturally the doctor gets out his phone to look at the calender to set a date to be induced. I immediately knew what he was doing and told him that I did not want to be induce. He then put his phone up and said that was fine but his concern was my blood pressure... of course... The devil always has to be in the middle of everything. But I went ahead and asked him what date he would want to do it on and he said September 6th (only two days before her due date). He then continued to explain to us that he would not allow me to go over 41 weeks (Sept 15th) So even if we didn't get induced then I would have to on that date.
But he explained to us that he's worried about my blood pressure and he would love to let me go without being induced but he would hate to push it and try to let me go and my blood pressure increase tremendously. Trust me.. I don't want this either.
So to sum it all up this is what we walked out of the doctor with...
Circumstance 1: We go back Thursday for bp and urine check. If it is extremely high like we can't push it anymore there's a chance for me to be induced that day or shortly after. That's Thursday of this week!
Circumstance 2: Be induce next Thursday September 6th.
Circumstance 3: Let her come on her own but if she doesn't come then I will have to be induce on Sept 15th.
Naturally, I'm distraught over this. Jeremy is fine with whatever. But I wanted to have her on my own. I wanted to experience going into labor and going to the hospital and all that. But on top of that, all this is affecting my body. She's completely 100% perfect and healthy. There are no worries about her and she can come now and by completely fine. Of course if the bp rises it could start to affect her but the main concern is it affecting me.
This is our dilemma: Do we continue to go with "when she comes she comes" and chance my blood pressure and something happening to me or do we swallow our pride and go ahead with the induction and make sure everyone is okay?
I'm sure everyone is like why is that even a question? and I honestly have no idea why I'm having such a hard time over it. I feel like if I go ahead with the induction I'm betraying her but I don't want anything happening to me.
So all day I thought about it, prayed about it, worried about it, etc. and Jeremy and I finally decided that Thursday would determine everything...
If we go to the doctor Thursday and my blood pressure isn't high and is back to normal we will ride it out. We will let her come when she wants to.
If we go Thursday and it is high (but not too high that I have to go immediately) then we will meet our baby girl on September 6th! (Don't get me wrong we are thrilled about... Just want her to be completely safe and healthy!!)
And I will be honest... as I type this I am crying my eyes out. I want her to be completely safe and I don't want to be selfish, but this blood pressure stuff isn't a joke and after hearing my doctor express his concern over it (for the first time) it's really hard. It's really hard for me to make this decision.. Not so much Jeremy because he is okay with whatever I choose but he is behind me 100% on this decision.
The good news is that she can still come on her own at any time (before Sept 6th).
I can only imagine this is the beginning of many extremely hard decisions... but as of now this is our decision. It was hard and I hope and pray it's the right one...
So we will see on thursday!
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